西方有句古語(yǔ)稱(chēng)：通往地獄的路鋪滿(mǎn)了好意。意思是說(shuō)我們經(jīng)常會(huì)在不知不覺(jué)間做出傷害別人的事。這種情況對(duì)于任何人都在所難免，但只要你多加留心，還是有辦法避過(guò)這些“雷區(qū)”的。比如要想在社交場(chǎng)合與人建立起牢固的友誼，就一定要小心以下的這幾個(gè)“坑”。

1、談話(huà)過(guò)程中看手機(jī)

德勤公司最近的一項(xiàng)研究揭示，全體美國(guó)人平均每天要查看80億次手機(jī)，也就是說(shuō)，你每天平均會(huì)查看你的手機(jī)46次。然而在有些場(chǎng)合下，你的手機(jī)還是靜靜地待在你的口袋里比較好——尤其是當(dāng)你與其他人在一起的時(shí)候。不管這里的“其他人”是一名貴賓還是一名服務(wù)員，他們的本尊就在你對(duì)面，怎么都比一個(gè)看都看不見(jiàn)的人更值得你尊重。當(dāng)然，如果是緊急事件就另當(dāng)別論了。不過(guò)大多數(shù)時(shí)候，事情一般都沒(méi)緊急到那個(gè)地步。如果你真覺(jué)得這個(gè)電話(huà)非接不可，那就請(qǐng)到走廊或休息室去接。記住：當(dāng)你該說(shuō)話(huà)的時(shí)候，不要發(fā)短信。

2、打斷別人，以及從不詢(xún)問(wèn)其他人的情況

如果你想給對(duì)方留下一個(gè)好印象，你很可能會(huì)難以抑制地想多談?wù)勛约旱氖聝海贿^(guò)你最好忍住這種沖動(dòng)。一段對(duì)話(huà)不能只是你一個(gè)人在喋喋不休。如果你覺(jué)得你的某些話(huà)已經(jīng)影響了談話(huà)的氣氛，就要暫退一步，問(wèn)問(wèn)自己為什么會(huì)發(fā)生這種情況。你要專(zhuān)心致志地聽(tīng)別人在說(shuō)什么，讓他們也有機(jī)會(huì)講話(huà)。男同志們尤其要管好自己的舌頭。“語(yǔ)言日志”博客曾經(jīng)指出，男人打斷別人說(shuō)話(huà)的機(jī)率是女人的三倍。你只要有一點(diǎn)自制力，很快大家都會(huì)稱(chēng)贊你是個(gè)會(huì)說(shuō)話(huà)的人。

3、不看別人的眼睛

與別人見(jiàn)面或說(shuō)話(huà)時(shí)，保持眼神接觸是很重要的，它表明你愿意與對(duì)方交流，并且對(duì)對(duì)方的話(huà)感興趣。當(dāng)然，什么東西都是過(guò)猶不及。《每日科學(xué)》上發(fā)表的一篇研究表明，眼神接觸可能會(huì)使人對(duì)對(duì)方的勸說(shuō)產(chǎn)生抗拒。而且我們大概都有過(guò)這樣的經(jīng)歷：如果一個(gè)人的眼睛直勾勾地盯著你太久，你就會(huì)感到緊張。由于過(guò)長(zhǎng)的、持續(xù)的眼神接觸會(huì)使對(duì)方不適，所以你要把握好尺度。既要用眼神表明你的興趣，但又不要顯得自己對(duì)對(duì)方過(guò)于有興趣，像個(gè)連環(huán)殺手一樣。

4、短信以句號(hào)結(jié)尾

這一條聽(tīng)起來(lái)是不是有點(diǎn)奇怪？不知道你是否聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)“數(shù)字禮儀”一說(shuō)，一個(gè)小小的句號(hào)也是有大學(xué)問(wèn)的，它甚至有可能改變整條短信的氛圍。能寫(xiě)出語(yǔ)法工整的句子固然不錯(cuò)，但是如果短信以句號(hào)結(jié)尾，就會(huì)顯得你與對(duì)方很冷淡。比如“我很好。”“知道了謝謝。”賓漢姆頓大學(xué)的西莉亞·克林領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的一支研究團(tuán)隊(duì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，如果一個(gè)人發(fā)來(lái)的短信是以句號(hào)結(jié)尾的，被試者就會(huì)覺(jué)得它不如沒(méi)有標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)的短信那么真誠(chéng)。所以你對(duì)這一點(diǎn)也要注意。

5、用錯(cuò)肢體語(yǔ)言

《科學(xué)》雜志的一篇報(bào)導(dǎo)表明，肢體語(yǔ)言比面部表情更能說(shuō)明一個(gè)人的情緒。下次你可以留心一下，看看你的肢體語(yǔ)言都告訴了對(duì)方什么：你與對(duì)方是否只保持了一臂的距離？你是抱著胳膊還是背著手？你是不是與對(duì)方的身體接觸太多了，導(dǎo)致對(duì)方感覺(jué)不舒服？就像開(kāi)車(chē)時(shí)要不時(shí)查看后視鏡一樣，你也要不時(shí)查看一下自己和別人的肢體語(yǔ)言。

6、忘了對(duì)方的名字

戴爾·卡耐基在他的經(jīng)典著作《如何贏得朋友和影響他人》一書(shū)中寫(xiě)道：“在任何一個(gè)人聽(tīng)來(lái)，他的名字都是世界上最好聽(tīng)的聲音。”這話(huà)說(shuō)得不能再對(duì)了。想不起來(lái)別人的名字，未必會(huì)令對(duì)方立時(shí)翻臉不認(rèn)人，但這至少說(shuō)明你對(duì)對(duì)方缺乏興趣。要想和一個(gè)人建立友誼，一個(gè)非常快的方法就是花點(diǎn)時(shí)間了解一下他是誰(shuí)，他的名字怎么寫(xiě)、怎么念。這樣一來(lái)就會(huì)迅速使你們建立起友誼和親切感，因?yàn)樗f(shuō)明了你至少花了些時(shí)間在心里想著他們。

7、對(duì)餐廳服務(wù)員態(tài)度惡劣

如果你從來(lái)沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)“服務(wù)員法則”，現(xiàn)在就來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)學(xué)習(xí)吧。普利策獎(jiǎng)得主、專(zhuān)欄作家戴夫·巴里曾這樣解讀過(guò)威廉·H·斯旺森的“33條約定俗成的管理法則”：“如果某人對(duì)你態(tài)度很好，但對(duì)服務(wù)員很粗魯，那他就不是一個(gè)好人。”記住，即使某個(gè)人沒(méi)有與你說(shuō)話(huà)，你對(duì)他的態(tài)度，也和你與正在說(shuō)話(huà)的那個(gè)人的態(tài)度一樣重要。

8、給別人看照片，但照片里除了你沒(méi)有別人

還是算了吧。除非你的狗超級(jí)萌，否則沒(méi)人在乎。（財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

譯者：樸成奎

There’s a reason they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Through sheer unawareness, we can put others off. It can happen to anyone, but it doesn’t have to happen to you. Follow these tips, and your good intentions will pave a road over any social pitfall and give your new relationships better ground to stand on.

1. Checking your phone mid-conversation

A recent study from Deloitte revealed that Americans collectively check their phones eight billion times a day. That means, on average, you look at your phone 46 times per day. And there’s a good chance that at least a few of those times, you should’ve kept it in your pocket—especially when you’re with others. Whether they’re a VIP or your waiter, the person in front of you deserves your attention much more than someone you can’t see. There will always be an exception for emergencies, of course, but chances are that the alert you just got can wait. If you really think it needs your attention, step away to the hallway or a restroom. Remember: don’t text when you should be talking.

2. Interrupting and never asking about other people

When you’re trying to impress, the impulse to talk about yourself can be tempting, but try to resist. You don’t want to dominate the conversation. And if you find that your words have cast a cloud over the discussion, take a step back and ask yourself why that might be. Pay attention, react to what others are saying, and let them have their chance to speak. Men, especially, listen up. A recent study posted at Language Log showed that men are almost three times as likely to interrupt as women. With just a little self-control, soon everyone will be talking about what a great conversationalist you are.

3. You’re not looking people in the eye.

It’s important to maintain eye contact when meeting someone and addressing them. It shows you want to be engaged and are interested in what they have to say. And yet, there can be too much of a good thing. A Science Daily study revealed that eye contact may make people resistant to persuasion and we’ve all experienced the nervousness that comes from another person holding eye contact for just a moment too long. Extended, continuous eye contact can make others nervous, so mix it up. Show just enough to demonstrate your interest, but back off regularly to avoid looking like a serial killer.

4. Ending texts with periods

Weird, right? Well, there is such a thing as digital etiquette, and a little of it goes a long way. In the same way that WRITING LIKE THIS MAKES IT SOUND LIKE I’M YELLING AT YOU, a period can change the entire vibe of what you’re saying. Keeping your sentences grammatically correct is always good, but ending a short text with a period implies you’re being short with the person. Some examples are “I’m fine.” or “got it thank you.” Researchers lead by Binghamton University’s Celia Klin found that when that when a reply is followed by a period, subjects found the response to be less sincere than when no punctuation was used. Just be aware.

5. Be wary of body language

A report at Science Mag revealed that body language, not facial expression, reveals more of how someone is feeling. Take stock of what your body tells others: are you staying at arm’s length? Are your arms crossed and pulled away, or, on the opposite side of the spectrum, are you using too much touching, making the person uncomfortable? Like checking your rear view mirror every now and then whilst driving, consider how you’re holding yourself, and how others hold themselves around you.

6. Forgetting name

“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language,” writes Dale Carnegie in his classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People“, and those words couldn’t be truer. Not remembering someone’s name may not be a deal breaker, but it shows a lack of interest in that person. Taking the time to know who they are, and even how to spell and pronounce it correctly, is a very quick way to get someone on your side and keep them there. It builds familiarity and camaraderie because it’s an easy way to demonstrate that you took the time to think about them.

7. You’re a jerk to restaurant servers

If you’ve never heard of the “Waiter Rule,” it’s time you learned it. As Pulitzer Prize winning columnist Dave Barry paraphrased William H Swanson’s “33 Unwritten Rules of Management”: “If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.” Remember that how you treat the person you’re not addressing is as important as who you are addressing.

8. Showing photos that don’t include others

Come on. Unless that dog is super cute, no one cares